saints & such

Shane'sa right- I do research too much. Right now I'm filled with crankiness at Saint Nicholas. I was researching to origins of a certain innocuous Christmas symbol, trying to form a good plan for explaining him to a young and curious Mollybird in years to come. I was hoping for some ways to align him with Solstice as well as Christmas, figuring he has nada to do with a Virgin Mama and a manger full of baby Holy Cuteness so it might be easy. I'll probably have more luck with Yule symbols and such. At any rate, I got stuck on this very informative site about the saint.

Turns out, when he was the Bishop of Myra, Nicholas attacked a temple of Artemis and crushed it to bits. Since She is second only to The Ever-Compelling and Mysterious, Dark, Yummy One Persephone in my esteem, I am sad and pouty right now. Not surprised, as many saints are lauded for such, but I'm bummed.

I'm having a religious reality check lately. Last night Mamaw & Papaw proudly showed me Molly's newest books- pop-ups about Joseph's coat, Noah's ark, and one called Jesus and the 12 Dudes Who Did. I'm very fine with them exposing Molly to their beliefs, but I'm realizing that if I don't get more involved in my church and circle, she's going to get the majority of her religious teachings from them. That's just not going to happen. It's an uncomfortable situation family-wise with Shane disdaining all organized religion, even when it's as poorly organized as my pagan friends can be...haha. So I feel a little like I'm alone in her religious/spiritual upbringing and it seems like I want to indoctrinate her. It's not that I'll be angry or upset if she would choose to enter the LDS or any other church, I just want her to have a broad education. If I were a Christian, I wouldn't feel like I was pushy if I insisted she go to my church, so why do I feel it's strange to want her to attend circle and learn about Wicca? I'm afraid UU can be a little more intellectual a path than spiritual, and I know adults who left their childhood UU faith because of this. I want her so much to follow the UU Principles and to learn the beautiful lessons of service and compassion that the congregation teaches, but I specifically want her to know about Earth traditions.

Is it confusing to a kid that we can be UU and Wiccan? Do I even classify myself as Wiccan really anymore? I don't know. I'm thinking this over too much. I'm sure I'll inuitively learn as we go what to share with her. It's just weird... religion hasn't been a terribly important part of my life (though spirituality of course is ever-present) for a while. I'm sure many new parents find themselves reassessing their devotion. The cool thing is, many of the families at the UU congregation are dealing with similar quandaries. I need to take my lazy ass to church more often. We even have a RE (religious education) class called Parents as Resident Theologians. So, I'm sure they're addressing many of my worries. Just need to get more involved.

End rant. Have a very Happy Solstice (technically this evening, but I don't know if this means today or tomorrow is the shortest day, but I'm thinking tonight's the longest night, so we'll light our special virgin holly-shaped gold candles and say prayers this evening.) Tomorrow we're baking baker's clay ornaments of suns & stars for keepsakes. Molly won't remember her first Yule but I will, and it's a good start to new traditions- I wasn't raised UU or pagan, probably obviously.

holiday meme

Holiday fun from Crunchy on the Inside:

So…..
Real or fake (sorry, artificial)? Fake. Real ones are beautiful, though. I hear the replantable ones don't usually live, so I'm staying with my fakey.
Religious or secular? Vaguely religious, mostly just about family and giving
Santa or not? Yes, Santa, who will have a slight Solstice-Fairy makeover in years to come
Christmas or Hanukkah (or Kwanzaa or Solstice or…..)? Winter Solstice and Christmas
Eggnog or Hot Chocolate? Custard, the drinkable kind, old family recipe
Turkey or Ham (or Tofurkey)? Cookies, please, just lots of cookies.
Cash or Credit? Only cash allowed for Christmas- no debt.
Travel or stay home? Home
Mall or online? Thrift, closeout stores, or handmade
Extended family or nuclear? extended
Star or angel? sunburst usually, for solstice, or a snowflake this year
Plastic/battery operated or wooden hand painted? Prefer the latter
White lights or coloured? White
Traditional music or contemporary? A mix I guess
‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ or ‘Miracle on 34th Street’ A Christmas Story- Shane's obsessed. I keep wanting to get him a famous leg lamp but then there would be a leg lamp in the house. Erg.
Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning? Christmas Eve. We always did the family visit on the Eve, although in the coming years I'm sure seeing Molly's face Christmas morning will trump all else.
Original Grinch or Jim Carrey? Original!
Red or Green? Green
Candy Cane or Gingerbread? Gingerbread
Re-gift or Goodwill (or Ebay)? Local thrift store or Goodwill
White Christmas or Green? White, although if someday that referred to a sandy Carribean beach rather than snow that would be fine:)
‘Jingle Bells’ or “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer” Rudolph, with the silly extra lyrics
Ready or not? Not

she's my sweet potato

The sweet potatoes were a huge hit. She did really well with opening her mouth and swallowing; I was impressed. My contributions turned out pretty well, I suppose. The made-from-scratch and jello-free cranberry sauce was very tart and offended my 9 year old nephew's palate, but the grown-ups liked it. My glazed carrots could have had more glaziness, but were okay. The broccoli casserole was great. I could have eaten a ton of it, but Molly would have been pissed because broccoli-mom-milk gives her terrible gas.

After dinner with Shane's family we went to my Grandma's. She's doing really well now that she's back home. Her dementia is much better in a familiar environment. I think it's very mild, but Shane says she's more wacky than I think. Mostly she just repeats herself over and over. She had the best time playing with the baby- Molly was in the giggliest mood I've ever seen. She was just adorable.

I missed my mom so much, but it gets better and better. Molly is the best healing wonder. Being a mom makes me feel closer to my mom. I am still so close to her, it's weird maybe. I don't get into the guardian angel thing or any of that specific, religious stuff- it seems so literal and cheesy to me- I just feel closeness I guess. Like I still have a familiarity with her and a comfort about her memory that feels like the very mundane normal closeness we had when she was alive. Of course, there are times when all I feel is her absense, and it's like a fresh, wounded screaming pain that will never, ever heal. An orphaned, angry, lost feeling filled with confused denial. It just may never seem acceptable to my heart that she is gone. I think those moments are coming less often. They used to be so awful. I wince remembering the way Shane would hold me and I'd sob and shake. Now usually I have a little warm melancholy feeling, like a lingering ache but the baby will smile and I'll know her motherness is in me now as I sing and rock Molly.

(edited for a new better collage and longer entry-hre)