melancholy

I feel so overwhelmed and anxious right now. Grandma fell (she still has a cast on her broken ankle from last time she fell. This a.m. wasn't a bad fall I guess) this morning, so my brother E & I were talking

to cheer myseelf up:
Mamaloo of Momcast tells me that fenugreek works by sweetening the milk, and she says that they put in on old dry hay to make it yummier for the horses. The sweetness in mama's milk makes it attractive to nurse, so the baby raises the supply by demanding more. I had no idea that's why it works and I think it's the most darling piece of trivia I've ever heard.

this afternoon about what will happen... . E was with her shortly after. She wants to move to a nursing home, and we both have the feeling that our aunt is very reluctant to do that.

Then E called this evening and told me she fell again. She's at the hospital right now getting X-rayed. She might have broken the other ankle, and has a huge bump on the back of her head. E says the aunt may be realizing now that supervised care is necessary, but they didn't really talk in depth.

I'm waiting to hear more, and worrying. I'm scared we're all going to disagree about how to care for her. We have few options. E works midnights, our aunt works evenings, and I work days all the fucking time and have the baby of course. Bu needs the car evenings for work... my head's spinning.

Meanwhile, I'm racing against time to get design work done by Monday, so Molly's plan ted in front of the goddamn TV again with Baby Einstein for the 6,789th time today, and she's going to spend most of tomorrow with the grandies and I feel like shit. The house is like an angry box yelling at me about how much mortgage we owe and how many loads of dirty dishes and laundry I we need to do.

Hormones are not my friend in this mental state. My period's starting again. Seems to come when I neglect to pump or nurse for longer than I should. That's stressing me too. I know better than to go out for the evening and not pump, or to forget it when I go to work. I'm worrying about my supply, and being paranoid about Molly being too skinny. I'm going to get some fenugreek capsules tomorrow.