babydoll
Sad: I googled "babydoll" to find an image to post, thinking of an old-fashioned porcelain angel faced toy. All I found was porn.
My daughter's beautiful. I'm biased, and she's more beautiful to me than she is to you even if her hugebluemooneyes beguile you, too. But she's damn pretty. I get pissed off at myself when words like "princess" and "babydoll" slip out, though. Everyone's praising her right now for her looks, and assuming this continues, how does this affect a child, especially a girl? I want her to be praised for being strong and intelligent and to know her true value to me has nothing to do with her attractiveness. At the same time, I want her to have a good self-image and celebrate her girlness and beauty.
My parents piled on the pretty praise, and I have a great self-esteem. That's a fairly wonderful thing, for me to feel beautiful when I'm also quite aware of my deformity. There's a whole complex whorl of thoughts & emotions there- I am self conscious about my body, but on the whole I'm very comfortable in my strange bones. But Molly doesn't have a birth defect that needs balanced like that. Is it teaching her the wrong thing if I keep cooing over her cuteness as she ages? Should I dole out two "you're so smart"s for every "you're so pretty?" How do I teach her to love herself but also that appearances aren't the true measure of worth? It's a funny thing- as an artist I do very much appreciate physical beauty, but I feel like I have a broad, healthy spectrum of what I find beautiful.
Oh, and again with dolls- what do you moms-of-daughters do when your little girl wants to play with a doll who represents unhealthy beauty standards or is sexualized? No Barbies/Bratz/etc? Do you let her play but explain to her, like my aunt did to a six year old me in one of my fondest memories, that no one really looks like that?
Oh, how do I raise a grrl?
4 comments:
funny, i've been wondering the same thing - my hope is that my girl will see the world in terms of something to explore, will feel powerful in her strength and wisdom, and will always know she is loved just as she is. i think of it as warrior in training. but we've got an uphill battle. good post.
As (another) mother of the most beautiful child in the universe, I understand you completely :D
But he's not a grrl. I don't have to face the "princess" and "girly" comments/ expectations. Though they boy comments annoy me a lot, they're not quite as bad, methinks.
I say, let her find herself. Keep telling her she can dbe anything she wants. And when she chooses to be a princess for halloween, or wear a fairy gown to school, OK. And when she chooses to wear butch boots and overalls and not wash her face, cool, too. (Though maybe not the no face washing!)
Give her lots of different role models and she'll find her way :D
Hihihi-
Got your comments-many thank yous. I am happy to hear you were a hybrid-I think that's what i have on my hands, too and that, I can handle.
I have read we're not supposed to play the pretty card too often but why? My girls are beautiful and why shouldn't they know it? My mom always told me I was beautiful and it didn't make me stoopid.
Now, on the Bratz and Barbie front, I gots to say, I won't let them in the house. Is that terrible??? Everyone (including my husband) says, "You can't stop it" but I can, ya see. I have already intercepted and donated one egregiously pink gift and I'll do it again, so help me! I'm sorry, but those Bratz creatures are sluts. There, I said it.
By the way, your wee one is beautiful. Just so you knwo that while you are turning into a vacant narcissist, at least you ain't lying.
My e-mail address is up on my blog-send me yours if you please.
Uh, turning HER into a vacant narcissist. You aren't turning into one, so far as I know.
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