a few rare moments

I have a few minutes to myself this morning- rare, because my mornings are usually crazed. I wake up with Molly at 5:30 or 6, doze with her in and out until the last possible moment, around 7 or 7:15, then rush to shower, get breakfast down and lunch packed, nurse her until it's time to go and then pack up my purse, breastpump, cooler, & lunch, and race to work, usually at least 5 minutes late.Today I had to open up the clinic early so a speech therapist could see an early patient, and I overestimated how early to get up. Then Zowsy-Baby was too "zousy" to nurse well, and refused to wake up for me. (I had a doll as a child called, I guess, Drowsy Baby, who I called Zousy Baby, and Miss Molly just has the cutest Zowsy Babiness going on when she's sleepy.) I could just blog a nickname a day blog and have material for years. I seem to make a new name for her every day. Mollybird is her official mickname, but Boo, Peaches, Sweat Pea, and Munchkinhead all get lots of play too.

Speaking of Zowsy, I'm ecstatic that I get to sleep in with Molly tomorrow. Goddess willing she'll still be on her scheduleto really wake up at10 a.m. or later. Then I have an ultrasound to check for remains of my pesky placenta- which did not want to leave my body. If there's still some bits in there, I'll be treated to a D&C, a delightful ending (hopefully) to the nightmare of medical interventions that have been visited upon my reproductive organs. The entire process has been a constant reminder that things never go as planned. My lovely waterbirth at the birth center became an induced labor at the hospital, with a placenta removal that was traumatic as hell, which led to anemia, which led to delayed milk, which necessitated formula supplementation, etc.I just want it to be finished, so I can close up shop on my childbearing. (Yes, we are planning to have an only child.) It's all going so well now, barring the retained placental fragments. We are nursing beautifully, although I'm a little nervous having taken my last dose of Reglan yesterday that my supply will dwindle.

It's been frustrating at times, but she really does well. And I've finally begun to relax and enjoy the mutual comfort of nursing. Since going back to work, it's saved my sanity. Her feedings are our special time to catch up on contact and be quiet after a workday. Night time is nice too, and our little routine is working well. She'll sleep (with the help of her swing) from 9:30 or 10, and I'll be in bed with Shane. Then at 1:30 or 2 she'll get fussy and we'll snuggle up in the bed in her nursery and cosleep until the morning. I wish we had a king size bed and could sleep as a family, but our bed is much too small for the three of us to share safely. In the morning I usually crawl back in bed with Shane for a cuddle before I get up. Complicated juggling to make sure my two loves get their proper snuggle time. There are so many of these tiny negotiations as we adjust to being a family of three.

(originally posted 7.20.06 at greennewmama)