snow, a party, milk & cookies

Snow pretty.

We may get up to 4 inches, which is unheard of lately. When I was a kid, West Virginia had real winters with the sledding and the long undies and the cocoa and the school closings. Now we rarely have actual coverage. I hear the phrase “global warming” daily, which is good as far as awareness-raising. I am not, as I’ve previously whined, a fan of winter, but I’m only opposed to actually living in it myself. I think a good four-season climate is a lovely idea, and that people should be allowed to experience a nice Appalachian winter so they can sit by a fire writing me postcards in Savannah or Key West or something.

Actually, snow is lovely, and I hope we get a good thick blanket of pure white beauty and that the schools, and therefore the clinic, are closed tomorrow.
Yesterday was a fun Mommy-networking day. We went to a birthday party and I schmoozed with another nursing mama. We discovered that nursing in public is easier in numbers, and that after we proudly dropped bra, neither of our daughters would nurse due to the extreme excitement of Dora balloons, juice, and toddlers running amok. I went fishing in Molly’s mouth for a gooey gummed-up piece of party hat I didn’t notice she’d been eating, and avoided her choking to death, which is always nice. I talked to a mom of four-month old twins- her toddler was the birthday girl- who is nearly losing her mind (understandably) and I convinced her to let me help her out with some babysitting or something sometime. Both nursing moms (those twins have never had formula and their mom is so proud) I talked to are having supply problems, so I’m baking a big batch of magic milk-enhancing cookies*. It’s my first attempt at this recipe, so we’ll call it an experiment and hope it fares better than the banana oatmeal bread I ruined this week.

A la Noel at Breastfeedingisnormal.org Their site's down for maintenence but they have a mailing list subscribe button.

blog for choice

I'm late, but:



Why?

Because it never occured to me to be anything but pro-choice. As I matured into a sexual creature as a girl, it just became a passion that this new world of sex would be my own to explore freely and hungrily and curiously. The responsibility inherent in this exploration was a given, and this beautiful world of new textures, tastes, smells, sights, and sounds was about beauty, and GodGoddess and love, and wasn't about motherhood.

Because the most rewarding job I ever had was at a women's health clinic, and the women I met there changed me, and enriched my understanding of the unending complexity that is the life and body and soul of a woman. Because every woman I met who needed to end a pregnancy had
her own reasons, and her own particular bravery about her choice. Because the girls I met who needed many more years of childhood kept me from sleep nights on end and it made me feel like the most important thing I could be doing, ever, was to be a calm and gentle voice on the telephone when they called, or a supportive smile when we met.

Because every woman who bears a child should be allowed to do so as purposefully, with as much joy and excitement and anticipation as I did.

Because every being conceived deserves respect and a conscious and careful consideration of the best choices for that potential life.

Because I am a woman and I demand absolute, informed power where my body is concerned. I will make love or not, conceive or not, according to my own purpose. I will decide what kind of medical care I need, and determine when I do and do not need medical care.

Because the prevaling cultural attitude that doctors and legislators can make a better decision than I can about when to end a pregnancy and how to bring one to fruition is a lie that hurts all human beings.

moonday redux

I give up; I can't keep track of weeks anymore, so I'm just going to post by moon phases now...hehe. She was born 2 days after New Moon, so that's gonna be moon day. I'm a silly mom. I have so much fun with these little doodles.

Molly @ eight months: Learned to crawl, pulls to standing very well. Babbles constantly, waves Hi and Bye consistently. Lives for Peek-A-Boo.

a guilt-releasing resolution

I resolve to parent intuitively and cooperatively with my husband and to refrain from pressuring myself by imagining that Dr. Sears and the entire AP community are keeping a scorecard somewhere that looks like this:

Hospital Birth- SIN!
Breastfeeding- Good!
Solids after 6 months- Good!
Bites of known allergens from adult plates - SIN!
Juice with water in the sippy- SIN!
Disposable Diapers- SIN!
Homemade Babyfood- Good!
Wanting Baby Out of Bed, sometimes- SIN!
Deciding to put baby in crib as deferment to husband's desire, even though I'm only 85% wanting to give up cosleeping, thus making my marriage and my sexuality a priority again- SIN!
Planning on Extended Nursing- Good!
Own and Use (pretty often)- Swing, Walker, Exersaucer- SIN!
Prefer Sling to stroller when out- Good!
Forget to Read to Baby for days- SIN!
Talk to Baby constantly thus Driving those around me crazy- Good!
Have Given Up and allow Baby to be in room with TV on- SIN!

Because there is no scorecard, and my Boue is healthy and happy and I am making good choices for my family. Mommyguilt is the enemy and I hereby release it.

I have to do something about my stress level, and this is an excellent place to start. I need to reconnect with Shane so badly. We are both so tense about our lives right now and so depressed that we don't see any way to get out of our money slump that we are really edgy with each other. We need to be a comfort to one another and not let this put space between us.

I'm feeling wiggy again about using our real names in this blog. Shane seems uncomfortable with it, so I may change names and retroactively edit entries. I dunno. Not revealing anything distressing here, just think sometimes being non-anonymous inhibits my honesty. Maybe I need to return to my paper journal and vent my intimate thoughts.

Because, really, how many of you are as excited as I am that my period returned and now I will be ovulating and having wild sex kitten thoughts again?

lactivism

I love that word so much... so cute. So, your mission, if ya like:

Important! Breastfeeding legislation is coming up in this next session of the US House of Representatives, please help! From Florence Rotondo and the New Jersey Breastfeeding Task Force New Jersey Breast Feeding Task Force.Rep. Carolyn Maloney is going to reintroduce the Breastfeeding Promotion Act this coming session.The Breastfeeding Promotion Act would: amend the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to protect breastfeeding by new mothers; provide tax incentives for businesses that establish private lactation areas in the workplace; provide for a performance standard for breast pumps; and provide families with a tax deduction for breastfeeding equipment.

GET INVOLVED: Let the incoming Speaker of the House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi become very aware that the Breastfeeding Promotion Act is important and that we desire and expect her support in January.* Go to a card store and purchase (or make a homemade) card that is a "Congratulations on the New Grand-baby" card. The Speaker and the press have made much of the fact that she is a grandmother first and that she was awaiting grand-baby number 6 right around Election Day. The baby is a boy named Paul.* Write in the card:1) all babies have the Right to Breastfeed anywhere that the mother has the right to be.2) their mothers' need policies in the law that support the government's Breastfeeding Awareness Campaign to educate employers and workers about mothers' rights.3) ask her to throw the full weight of her position behind getting the Breastfeeding Promotion Act PASSED this coming session.* Get all your friends to sign your card before you mail it to Speaker Pelosi. Or buy/make several cards and get them addressed/stamped and ready to go and collect signatures from supportive friends who you know have good intentions, but little time, and mail them out with your own.* And lastly, *send this email to every mother, friend, listserv, breastfeeding support group and parenting site you know so that others can also send a card*. The idea is to get hundreds if not thousands of signatures/cards sent to Nancy Pelosi's office - right now - so that, by the time the Breastfeeding Promotion Act is reintroduced in January, she and her staff will have it on their radar.

The address to mail a card to Speaker Nancy Pelosi is:
* Representative Nancy Pelosi2371 Rayburn HOBWashington, DC 20515

And in Molly news, 4 1/2 hours of solid sleep. Belly full of fatty yummy avacado maybe helped? I decided to feed her some dinner at 9:00 p.m. Perhaps that was a good plan.

oh, shiraz be praised!

OK, I promised myself I wouldn't waste any of this evening blogging. Hey- if a girl can't lie to herself, who can she lie to? (Read: "To whom can she lie?" Whatever. My mission is to relax, so that must include prepositional sins.)

Molly's playing with race cars at Papaw's & Mamaw's, and will be snuggly co-sleeping with them tonight, a full half-mile from the nummins. Me, I'll be nursing a bottle of wine (and, intermittently, a pump) and catching up on design work. Then, I’ll crawl into bed with my husband, and sleep curled up with him and some good thick cloth nursing pads until morning.

Day’s been good. Dropped the Mollybird off at the grandies’, went to a very brief meeting with a very cool new web design client. Worked at the clinic a few hours on a mailing for a fundraiser, then went to nurse Molly and visit. The in-laws fed me, bless them. Came home, pumped, for the baby’s belly was full of peas & squash. (Also they gave her a taste of strawberry, but observe how I’m not wigging- the mission statement, remember- even though the yummy berries are a notorious allergen. She had no reaction and apparently liked it, so whatever.) Then I opened my bottle of Shiraz, actually remembering to dribble a few drops on the earth (OK, a houseplant = lazy pagan) for Dionysos.

So… this is me, having a break. I counted nursies last night? Five times between bedtime and waking, six if you count her breakfast nummins. Can you say reverse cycle? I don’t know if it counts as reverse cycling, since each session’s like 3-4 minutes. Also, I betcha $5 she’ll only wake twice for Mamaw & Papaw. I am a pacifier. It’s OK, but I’m glad I have such great in-laws to ship her off to for a night.

Jeez, Papaw, it’s not necessary to call me to tell me the Boue’s having a nap. ‘Specially since you just called 10 minutes ago to make sure I wasn’t missing a cool program on TV.

No, that's not my wine photo. Check out the awesome stock-photo postin' peeps @ stockexchange.

stay-home envy

I had a whole blog entry in my head Saturday. Even had a title: Stay-at-Home-Mom for a day. I spent all day with just me and Molly at home, with no car. It was wonderful, frustrating, exhausting. My imaginary blog entry detailed our day- lots of nummins marathons, eating lots of bathing in pureed peas, then a real bath with soap and splashies. There was the newly apparent Extreme Separation Anxiety which required that she be physically touching me 80% of the time, but oh, no, not in a sling- too restrictive. The other 20% of the day she relented a little and played in her high-chair or the floor but I had to remain in the direct line of sight OR ELSE.

Despite my best intentions, a couple of things prevented me from actually blogging. The first, of course, was the insane tiny creature, but even she finally went to sleep for the night, after adventures in snotty-nosed nursing. (Nothing de-sexualizes a breast like seeing a trail of baby snot attaching it to a sickish cranky baby's nose. Not that I care if the boobs aren't sexy. The libido's still elusive.)

The second was the arrival of Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 2 on DVD. So after the munchkin conked out in her swing, I vegged out with some fun witty carnage.

This afternoon I logged onto Bloglines, and I saw Coffee Betsy has had some working mom angst courtesy of a judgemental, self-righteous bitch. (See, I can say that because I wasn't involved.) It came at an opportune time, as I'd just dried up my tear-sniffles after calling home to hear Shane sounding very impatient with Molly. I had a revisitation of my loathing of being a worker bee when I want to be a Properly Attached 'Round the Clock Baby on Hip Mother. I love the clinic, I love my coworkers, I love the kids we serve, but I wish I could love them a few times a week as a volunteer.

I also wish I could bottle my zen-mama-patience and leave some with Shane. (He also wishes I could lend him the boobies.) He's a very, very good Dad, but his patience is a more fragile thing than mine. I'd rather Molly not be around a cranky irritable parent, because it just adds to her crankiness I think...but it's wonderful she's with her Dad.

Some secret part of me is happy that I'm more patient with her because I feel like a superhero. It's egocentric and awful, as well as sexist, but I feel like her mama should be the most amazing person ever in her eyes, and Shane a very, very close second. It's terrible to admit that- how pathetic to crave being needed by them both so much. Maybe leftovers of jealousy from her Elektra phase. It seems to be over now, that. She loves us both again:)